The Reason
by Senko Wakimarin
Summary: (Yaoi)Knives wakes up in Vash's arms, and begins to wonder about a guilty pain he's feeling. Why should he mourn death? After all He was only Human. (Songfic to Hoobastank's The Reason)


I'm not a perfect person. There are many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know...  
I lay in the bed, Vash's arms wrapped possessively about my waist. I look at his sleeping face, my mouth twisting dangerously close to smiling. This is what I wanted, isn't it? My brother returned to me, and his love? So why aren't I happy? I found a reason for me, to change how I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you.  
Didn't I say no matter what the cost? So why does his voice haunt me? I remember saying all humans deserve to die. So why does his face fill my mind. Those eyes... how did I manage to be so cruel to him? Why does his death matter so much? He was human, I didn't, don't, care about humans. So why can't I think of something besides him? Why can't I be happy? I'm sorry that I hurt you. It's something I must live with every day. And all the pain I put you through, I wish I could take it all away And be the one who catches all your tears. That's why I need you to hear...  
Maybe. It could have happened. Did I love him? Could that be why his death hurts so much, hurts at all? I know he loved me. And I killed him. Vash may have pulled the trigger, but it was my hand the put him there. I did nothing but hurt him. And then I didn't care about it. But now, the more I think about it, the more my heart hurts. I think I remember every single time I hurt him, and every memory eats at my heart. I wish I could take all the hurt away. Tell him what I feel now. I found a reason for me, to change how I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you  
I don't even know where his body is. Vash probably does. Vash wants me to change how I am... but if I do, it will be for him, not Vash. I can't even say his name any more. I'm not a perfect person I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know...  
Vash is a wake now, staring at me. When I meet his gaze, for a moment I'd swear his eyes were golden. But only for a moment.  
"Morning." He says with a yawn, squeezing me lightly. I yelp; the wounds he so recently gave me are still so sore. "How long have you been awake?"  
"Good morning, Vashu. I've been up for a while" I say softly, trying to keep emotion from my voice. I found a reason for me, to change how I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you.  
Apparently, I didn't do so good a job. "What's wrong, Knives?" He asks, concern etched into his features. I hate seeing him like this, caring so much. I realize how much I hurt him, just as I hurt... Hurt Legato. The name rings in my mind, spearing my heart. I pull away from Vash.  
"Why are you letting me do this?" I ask, choking back sobs.  
"Wha- Letting you do what, Knives?" He looks so confused, so worried. He puts his hand on my cheek.  
I jerk away from the touch. "Letting me touch you, Vash. All I've done is hurt you, and now... now." Suddenly I can't talk, my throat constricts, and tears runs down my cheeks.  
Vash looks so genuinely shocked to see me cry. "Knives... I love you. You're my brother. I forgive you for it all. We can start over, remember."  
I shake my head. "But we can't change the past." I choke out.  
"I said I forgive you." He says, looking in my eyes.  
"But he can't."  
"What are you talking about, Knives?"  
"Legato" I choke on the word.  
"Oh." He looks away.  
"Vash." I say, straining to control the tears. "Where did he die?"  
"I'll take you too him." He says, still not meeting my gaze. "Trust me, I'll never forget that spot." I've found a reason for me, to change how I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you. I've found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know. A reason for all that I do. And the reason is you.  
Hours later, we arrived at the place Vash specified. I began climbing the hill, and looked back at Vash. He was staring up, lost in memory.  
"Are you coming, Vashu?" I ask.  
He snaps out of his daze and joins me. At the top of the hill there is little indication that anyone was buried up here. There is a large rock that indicates the grave. Nothing more.  
"A rock." I mutter sadly. "Just a rock."  
I look at the rock and summon my power to the surface. The rock twitches, and an audible cracking is heard. When I'm finished, the rock is now an eternal likeness of my servant, with words at the bottom. "Legato Bluesummers. A loyal servant and wonderful person. I loved him. I am sorry." It proclaimed. I surprise my self, crying again. Vash is wiping at his eyes.  
"You should be alone, Knives," He says quietly, stepping away, and then retreating down the hill. I stand there for a moment, then collapse, weeping freely. Through my tears I recite a song from Old Earth Joey had listened to on the Ship. It said everything I wanted to tell him. I just wished he could hear me. It was the perfect goodbye. "I'm not a perfect person. There are many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know... I found a reason for me, to change how I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. It's something I must live with every day. And all the pain I put you through, I wish I could take it all away. And be the one who catches all your tears. That's why I need you to hear... I found a reason for me, to change how I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you I'm not a perfect person. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know... I found a reason for me, to change how I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you. I've found a reason for me, to change how I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you. I've found a reason to show a side of me you didn't know. A reason for all that I do. And the reason is you." When I finish, I feel a cold wind brush past, and I feel stronger, more at peace.  
I will change how I am. We tried this my way, now we will try Vash's way. Who knows, perhaps he will lead me to my Eden.  
I walk down the hill, and take one last look at the grave marker. A single red flower grows there. I smile, and turn to go with Vash.  
I know I've been forgiven. 


End file.
